Everyone does stupid things. Everyone. And we learn to breathe and/or kick ourselves for it (or some cases blame the other person). As a married woman, I am grateful that I can communicate with my spouse when things go wrong, when everything feels like its exploding/imploding, when pure chaos reigns and I feel like Savage She-Hulk pulverizing puny Bruce Banner hubby. I like my fights with Jason (fights are healthy I feel in a relationship as long as you're not killing each other or throwing things) because after we do, we fall down laughing from the seriousness of it all and we come to a conclusion/resolution for whatever the problem is.
For more serious matters, I've learned to walk around the block and chill. When I'm ready to come back, I'll try to communicate what I feel and apologize when necessary. I worry if my marriage will be like my parents, who were very loud and violent in their outbursts. As a child it's scary because you're not listening to what's being said, you're hearing the force and emotion in which things are being said or thrown. I worry about time a lot and think I only have this much left before XYZ happens to me. I know we are considered a young married couple by definition ( 3 years) but we've know each other since h.s. (12 years) and I worry about it not lasting/working out because of stupid transient crap we have no power over.
I read blogs, articles, etc. about artists, business people and their relationships/businesses, how they are, got started, the BS they run into with outside forces, dealings and legal matters - but always with an air of "everything's fine" or through rose tinted glasses because they have an image to up hold/maintain and don't want their image to get tarnished for whatever reason. I mean, "Hello! Am I the only weirdo here? I know I'm not the only one but damn they sure make you feel like it!" It would be nice, I think, if people (even businesses can benefit) were more REAL. Clients to students can relate and would probably feel more inclined to trust you with the advise or whatever you're selling. I know I go through a lot of personal and business BS but the good news is: I am still here to tell about it! And how!
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can learn a lot from chaos. So don't knock it.
I love how you said this, Mani. Speaking for myself, it's very easy and tempting to slip into expert-y-everything's-fine mode -- that's what you get from spending years in marketing/PR/fundraising! I find I need to constantly check in to notice -- am I glossing over a problem? Am I making things seem easier than they are?
ReplyDeleteThanks for another reminder.