Monday, August 2, 2010

Annoying Mate or Misunderstood Monster?

Everyone does stupid things. Everyone. And we learn to breathe and/or kick ourselves for it (or some cases blame the other person). As a married woman, I am grateful that I can communicate with my spouse when things go wrong, when everything feels like its exploding/imploding, when pure chaos reigns and I feel like Savage She-Hulk pulverizing puny Bruce Banner hubby. I like my fights with Jason (fights are healthy I feel in a relationship as long as you're not killing each other or throwing things) because after we do, we fall down laughing from the seriousness of it all and we come to a conclusion/resolution for whatever the problem is.

For more serious matters, I've learned to walk around the block and chill. When I'm ready to come back, I'll try to communicate what I feel and apologize when necessary. I worry if my marriage will be like my parents, who were very loud and violent in their outbursts. As a child it's scary because you're not listening to what's being said, you're hearing the force and emotion in which things are being said or thrown. I worry about time a lot and think I only have this much left before XYZ happens to me. I know we are considered a young married couple by definition ( 3 years) but we've know each other since h.s. (12 years) and I worry about it not lasting/working out because of stupid transient crap we have no power over.

I read blogs, articles, etc. about artists, business people and their relationships/businesses, how they are, got started, the BS they run into with outside forces, dealings and legal matters - but always with an air of "everything's fine" or through rose tinted glasses because they have an image to up hold/maintain and don't want their image to get tarnished for whatever reason. I mean, "Hello! Am I the only weirdo here? I know I'm not the only one but damn they sure make you feel like it!" It would be nice, I think, if people (even businesses can benefit) were more REAL. Clients to students can relate and would probably feel more inclined to trust you with the advise or whatever you're selling. I know I go through a lot of personal and business BS but the good news is: I am still here to tell about it! And how!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can learn a lot from chaos. So don't knock it.


  1. I love how you said this, Mani. Speaking for myself, it's very easy and tempting to slip into expert-y-everything's-fine mode -- that's what you get from spending years in marketing/PR/fundraising! I find I need to constantly check in to notice -- am I glossing over a problem? Am I making things seem easier than they are?

    Thanks for another reminder.

  2. Thanks! Sorry I didn't get back to responding to your comment sooner. I'm glad. No one likes chaos, but it shows up when needed at least to push us forward (which everyone hopes to survive). I find it sad no one records it or speaks about it.